Kia Ora

Most of my friends have some kind of cathartic outlet and I WANT IN.

Nic has commented that I should start a blog because I sustain ridiculous injuries. I guess that will be a component of this... I guess I need *something* for entertainment value?

I think that my biggest problem is that I don't believe anyone actually wants to hear or read about my life. This causes some issues with keeping in contact with friends and family, and has made me think about who i'm actually sharing my life with.

Maybe I should start at the top? Heavy hitting first, no?

What's on my mind at the moment is who I am in my community. I've been living in Newtown for over 6 months now, and when I moved here I considered myself straight with a few kinks. What that means is that I have always known that I found women attractive, but never thought about how a relationship might work. I considered that I wanted to kiss them... but that it would never eventuate into something serious.

Why?

Ummmm. Because I hadn't found anyone who made me take women seriously? Because there is a *tiny* gay community in New Zealand? Because that's scary? Because I was confused as to how much my sister's sexuality influenced what I found acceptable?

So where does that leave me? In Newtown surrounded by a veritable smorgasbord of every kind of lesbian there is. NOM NOM NOM. Culture shock? What about sexuality shock!

So then Tess the straight girl stepped out on the scene (soz Newtown). I meet lots of girls who I think are hotness. But when i'm asked what my orientation is, i've been advised to say "queer" because there's such a bias against the bisexuals. Now i'm not saying that it isn't deserved, but I do feel that puts me in a box. When I say i'm straight people roll their eyes now (courtesy of some pretty shockingly obvious scoping at the sly). But how can I claim i'm a lesbian? I'm not. So I find myself in a grey area.

As the mighty Will Ferrell says in Blades of Glory-

"What does that even mean?"
"Nobody knows... but it's provocative!"

And that's really how I feel.

It's really hard to describe how I feel about my sexuality... but I definitely feel since moving to Sydney I have been forced to think about what I want.

And you didn't think I could get a Will Ferrell quote in there. Shame on you.